Talk Dirty To Me: Beginner’s Guide To The Art Of Sexting And Dirty Talk

PUBLISHED May 7th, 2024 12:00 pm | UPDATED May 28th, 2024 11:52 pm

We’ve all experienced moments where we daydream about spicing up our sex lives with new scenarios. Surprisingly, talking dirty or sexting can be a healthy way to share those fantasies with your partner. Often overlooked, dirty talk engages the most important sexual organ: the mind.

While it might feel intimidating due to social stigmas or personal expectations, we’re here to guide you into the world of dirty talk. Join us as we explore insightful advice from Dr Martha Tara Lee, Relationship Counsellor and Clinical Sexologist at Eros Coaching, along with Women’s Vitality Coach and Somatic Practitioner at Tian on Earth, Yuni Chen.

Introduction To Talking Dirty

Let’s start from the beginning – What exactly is Dirty Talk? Dirty talk is a form of sexual expression that mainly involves using words and sounds to heighten arousal and mutual pleasure between you and your partner.

Encompassing a range of verbal cues, from simple affirmations like “yes” or “more” to descriptive phrases detailing actions or constructing fantasies, dirty talk taps into the imagination and can even strengthen emotional bonds. More than excitement and novelty, it also opens new ways of sexual expression and communication. Furthermore, “dirty talk can help individuals break free from inhibitions and societal norms, allowing them to embrace their sexuality fully,” Dr. Martha Lee advises.

 

Incorporating dirty talk can also boost self-confidence and body positivity. By engaging in verbal expressions of desire and pleasure, individuals can feel empowered and sexually liberated, leading to a more positive self-image.

– Dr. Martha Lee

Dirty talk can be integrated into various contexts, whether during foreplay, intercourse, solo masturbation, or even in long-distance relationships to nurture intimacy – especially in today’s day and age where it has manifested in the form of sexting. Whichever way you choose to talk dirty, Yuni reminds us, “Any form of sexual experiences that you are seeking or are called to explore, either with yourself or with your partner, has to come from this very solid ground of safety and trust.”

Things To Note

Before we delve further into this topic, it’s good to take note of a few important points if you wish to explore incorporating dirty talk into your sex life.

Do It For Yourself

Sexting, or any intimate relationship, is a two-way street. Pleasing yourself is as important as pleasing others in the process, so do it for yourself, rather than succumbing to other’s desires. Especially if it’s a new experience, take all the time you need to feel comfortable before diving into dirty talking. As Yuni shares, “all forms of sexual explorations are seasonal and really require deeply knowing yourself before saying yes to anything or anyone.” Due to conditioning from society and our environment, many women may tend to put others’ needs before their own. Sit and ask yourself, is this a desire to be liked and accepted, or, is this your body saying yes? Is this coming from a place of fear or love? Understand where this desire comes from and how it feels in your body. If you feel anxious or are not 100% for this experience, it might be good to stop and consider this at a later time in life, advises Yuni. 

Before going into an experience, give yourself full permission to take as much time as you need to sit with whether or not sexting is an experience you want to share with your partner or someone you’re dating. – Yuni Chen

Consent Is Key

As with any sexual activity, consent is crucial, even in sexting or talking dirty. Give your partner as much time as they need, and be patient—do not force or coerce them. While sexting is not illegal between consenting adults, sending sexually explicit messages or images to minors under 16 years old is illegal in the eyes of Singapore’s laws, regardless of consent. Additionally, unwelcome dirty talk, especially in the workplace, can be seen as a form of sexual harassment, covered under the Protection from Harassment Act (POHA) 2014. So, use it consensually and respectfully within a trusting relationship to enjoy this healthy form of sexual expression. 

Set Boundaries

Dirty talk can be thrilling, but it’s essential to set the boundaries – know when to start, and know when to stop. When it comes to getting intimate, remember that everyone has different comfort levels and preferences. Starting and maintaining open communication about what works and what doesn’t for each other is essential to keep things respectful.  Establish a safe word or signal to pause or stop if either partner feels uncomfortable, ensuring both parties feel heard and respected. Most importantly, know that navigating boundaries and consent is an ongoing journey, with mutual respect and understanding, couples can nurture healthy and fulfilling sexual connections. 

Let’s Talk About Sex Baby!

In the realm of intimacy, dirty talk is not just about words; it is an art form that transcends language and logic to tap into the primal instincts of desire. It is a poetic expression of passion and lust, where every syllable spoken is a verse in the symphony of connection. Through the language of lust, partners can explore the depths of their fantasies and cravings, using words as tools to unlock hidden desires and unleash raw emotions.

– Dr Martha Lee

Find Your Unique Voice Of Seduction

Start by discussing interests and comfort levels with your partner, as some terms may be a turn-on for some, but a total turn-off for others. From soft moans and sultry whispers to playful banter and naughty suggestions, explore different words, sounds, and styles. Don’t know where to start? Get some inspiration by reading Erotica books. And if you feel a little shy, think about starting behind the screen with sexting. Through the process, make sure to stay present and pay attention to your partner’s responses.

Be Specific & Vivid

Flex your imagination and express your desires and actions in vivid detail. For instance, you might describe your desire to kiss their neck or passionately provide explicit descriptions about what you do or feel. Strong imagery evokes the senses and makes for a stimulating experience. After all, it is a mind game.

Let Loose and Have Fun

Dirty talk doesn’t have to be serious; adding some laughter and playfulness can turn up the heat. Let go of inhibitions and go with the flow; let your words (or giggles) come as they wish. The beauty of dirty talk lies in its spontaneity, so keep an open mind to experiment, and take time to discover the sparks of passion. It’s all about enhancing intimacy, pleasure, and connection. Since every relationship is different, savour the experience without expectations or judgment. Now, go get dirty!

---

Top Image: Photo by Alejandra Quiroz on Unsplash