Wellness Wednesday: How to Find A Therapist That’s Right For You in Singapore
PUBLISHED February 23rd, 2022 06:00 am | UPDATED March 1st, 2022 12:46 pm
Finding the right therapist for you is a bit like dating – it can take plenty of time and talking to land a good match. Like any other relationship, therapy isn’t a one-size-fits-all affair – a therapist that works well for someone else just might not be the best fit for your background, issues, and goals. These days, it’s not unusual to try out a few initial sessions with more than one therapist, before deciding to commit yourself.
The big question, of course – especially if you’re just starting out on your mental health journey – is how exactly to recognize the right fit for you. To answer that, we reached out to get tips from the experts at Resilienz, a mental health clinic in Singapore that provides psychiatry, therapy, and counselling services.
Consider The Cultural Fit
As you’re doing your research on therapy providers in Singapore, the first thing to look out for is their education, credentials, and specializations – all of which should be readily available on their website. If all these check out, it’s time to think about other factors that might make a difference to you.
One major consideration for many might be gender. Do you feel like a therapist of a certain gender would ‘get’ your experiences better? If you identify as LGBTQ+, you might feel more comfortable with an LGBTQ-affirming therapist – even if your issues aren’t specific to sexuality. Some counselling providers that openly state their LGBTQ-friendliness in Singapore include Thrive Family, Alliance Counselling, and Heart Knocks Counselling. Racial and religious backgrounds could play a part too.
If you’re narrowing down your options, it never hurts to reach out by phone or email. Ask some quick questions about a therapist’s background and experience with particular issues, along with the necessary admin details – fees, cancellation policies, and so forth.
Ask Your Therapist About Their Style
Different therapists draw on a range of different treatment approaches, and depending on your personal goals and issues, some could work better than others for you. Psychoanalysis, for instance, focuses on examining your childhood experiences and unconscious thought patterns; another common methodology, behavioural therapy, takes an action-oriented approach to changing unhealthy behaviours.
“You can ask your therapist what therapeutic approach they plan to use, and its effectiveness in managing your situation,” advises Ms Soon Jiaying, Senior Clinical Psychologist at Resilienz. “Some questions you can ask include: Will you address my immediate problems first, or will you focus on past life events and deeper emotional issues? Do you take the directive approach by leading our discussions, or the non-directive approach whereby I choose what I want to talk about for the session?”
Get The Groundwork Covered
If you’re brand-new to therapy, you might be wondering what to expect for your first session. Before heading down, it’s worth having a think about some essential details that your therapist will ask you about: your objectives and goals for therapy, presenting symptoms and current challenges, as well as your personal history (which might include your childhood, relationships, and work). Needless to say, everything you share should be strictly confidential – your therapist should share info on their codes of confidentiality.
“With this information, your therapist will share a preliminary hypothesis or explanation for your challenges,” Jiaying explains. “They will then discuss your treatment plan and expectations for therapy, including frequency of sessions and duration of treatment.”
Do A Comfort Check
The therapy room should be your safe haven – a space where you get to open up and be vulnerable without fear of judgment. You’ll likely be talking about very painful or intimate emotions, so you’ll need plenty of trust and rapport between you and your therapist. Of course, it’s rare that you’ll feel at ease with opening up to a complete stranger from the get-go, so give it at least a few weeks to see how your dynamic develops.
“The right therapist should make you feel heard, understood, and safe to bring up issues without worries,” Jiaying emphasizes. “That said, while your therapist should show acceptance and compassion, they may also challenge you so as to facilitate personal growth.” To make sure you’ve got a good fit, it’s important to check in with yourself during and after each session: do you feel comfortable? Do you feel listened to?
Look For Open-Mindedness
It’s not a good sign if your therapist seems to be pushy about a certain agenda, or seeks to force certain goals on you. After all, therapy is about you and your needs – while your therapist can make recommendations, they should stay open to your input.
Staying open-minded is something that Resilienz’s therapists and clinicians strive for. In practice, Jiaying shares, that means asking questions and being active in searching for information. “This will enhance their understanding of your experiences, and allow them to tailor an individualised treatment plan to your needs and emotional issues.”
Rather than rigidly sticking to an agenda for each session, your therapist should ideally be in tune with you. “Being open-minded means being flexible with making changes to the plan and addressing any immediate or urgent issues you’d like to discuss,” she says. “An open-minded therapist is also one who is willing to find ways to refine their skills, learn about new or different therapeutic approaches, and brush up on current best practices.”
Don’t Dismiss Your Discomfort
Therapy may not always be a comfortable experience – you are working through challenging emotions, after all. At the same time, you should never feel pressured, dismissed, or unsafe – or at least, you should feel able to discuss these feelings with your therapist openly.
Jiaying highlights that experiencing difficult emotions due to transference is par for the course in therapy. “Transference happens when a person projects some of their feelings or conflicts with another person onto an entirely different person, in this case your therapist,” she explains. “Once your therapist recognises you’re experiencing this, they’ll address this at a suitable point. Effective exploration of these difficult emotions will help with your therapy’s progress. On the other hand, if this discomfort isn’t properly addressed, it may hurt the therapeutic relationship or negate the progress you’ve achieved.”
How, then, can we determine whether our therapist is the right fit despite the discomfort of transference? “It’s important that your therapist makes you feel safe enough to bring up any discomfort that you may be experiencing,” she stresses. “If you find it difficult to do so, it may be an indication that the therapist isn’t suitable for you.”
This article was written with the help of Resilienz, a mental health clinic in Singapore that provides psychiatry, therapy, and counselling services. Resilienz specializes in offering a holistic and open-minded approach to treating psychological conditions. Find out more here.
Top Image: Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
