Here & Queer: What It Is Like Living As A Queer Person In Singapore
PUBLISHED June 27th, 2024 12:00 pm
The queer movement has been around for centuries, but in today’s world, being openly queer still comes with its challenges. While Singapore might have a reputation for being progressive, one could argue, there’s still plenty of room for improvement. In this article, we share the stories of four queer individuals — including the author (Isabel!) — about how their experiences living in Singapore have influenced their daily lives.
Bhuvan Daniel, He/Him
Navigating a complex journey of identity and acceptance, Bhuvan, a pansexual South Asian transman in Singapore, knew he was different from as early as kindergarten. His curiosity about why he couldn’t use the same toilets as other boys led to his realisation of the physical differences between them. As an adult, Bhuvan encounters numerous challenges, ranging from job insecurity to fear of discrimination, compounded by the weight of being a minority within a minority. These factors have significantly impacted how he lives his authentic life in Singapore, often prompting him to remain stealth in unfamiliar environments unless he’s certain of being in a queer-friendly space.
Despite these obstacles, Bhuvan finds strength and joy in his chosen rainbow family, particularly his drag mother and sister, who have become akin to his blood family. Engaging in the vibrant drag and ballroom scene, along with other queer spaces, provide him with the much-needed support and community, showcasing a testament to resilience and the power of community in the face of societal and legal challenges.
While he feels that attitudes towards LGBTQIA+ people in Singapore may be shifting in a negative direction, Bhuvan remains committed to creating a more inclusive future for all queer individuals in the country. His continued advocacy and support for organisations like T Project and South Asian Pride Singapore underscores his commitment and dedication to this cause, offering hope and solidarity to others in similar situations.
“Keep your head up high, find your community and hold them close to you. Everyday may seem like the biggest chore, simply even existing here [in Singapore], but I believe that you can live a queer life here. But, do not feel pressured as well, if Singapore is not for you, it is completely valid to find another place as home. I see you, I hear you and I love you”.
Glenn Chew, They/Them
Glenn’s journey as a bi, non-binary individual in Singapore encapsulates the nuanced interplay of privilege, challenges, and hope that defines many queer experiences in the city-state today, shedding light on ongoing struggles for LGBTQ+ rights and acceptance. Their path to self-discovery began in high school, where a burgeoning passion for equality blossomed into a personal embrace of queer identity. Glenn approaches being “out” with a subtle demeanour, particularly with family and colleagues, choosing to share their sexual identity only when necessary. However, Glenn finds comfort in the implicit understanding shared with friends in LGBTQ+ circles.
Despite Singapore’s prevalent ‘don’t ask, don’t tell‘ societal norm, Glenn acknowledges the community’s challenges, particularly from conservative sectors hindering meaningful dialogue. While aware of their own privilege, Glenn expresses frustration over incidents like the recent cancellation of the Science Centre talk, that exemplify these obstacles and highlights systemic barriers.
Though personally in a legally-heterosexual relationship, Glenn empathises with friends unable to access public housing due to legal limitations on same-sex partnerships, a disparity notably incongruous with Singapore’s usually forward-thinking mindset. Through it all, Glenn finds strength in community and remains cautiously optimistic about societal progress, while advocating fervently for significant legal reforms, notably in the realm of marriage equality.
“It’s easier to find like-minded people now than ever before, thanks to social media. Even dating apps can be used to find friends due to their LGBTQ-friendly matching systems – that’s genuinely how I made a lot of friends when I returned to Singapore after many years overseas. However, always [remember to] be careful and look out for yourself first and foremost!”
Nina Matos, They/Them
Growing up in an environment where heterosexuality was unquestionably the norm, Nina’s journey to embrace their queerness was tinged with sadness and uncertainty, stemming from the stigma and fear surrounding coming out.
While they’ve found general support regarding their sexuality, navigating their non-binary identity proves more challenging, especially within family dynamics and professional environments. Their experiences shed light on the nuanced nature of acceptance in Singapore, where a ‘live and let live’ ethos often carries an unspoken caveat of ‘don’t live too loudly‘. Nina recalls instances where comments and gestures from the Singaporean public have caused discomfort simply for living their true, authentic life.
Despite facing legal and social obstacles, such as the absence of anti-discrimination safeguards and limited access to public housing for same-sex couples, Nina draws strength and joy from Singapore’s close-knit queer community. Their story underscores the importance of finding one’s people and the ongoing necessity for more open conversations about LGBTQ+ rights in Singapore. Nina advocates for confronting these issues head-on, rather than sweeping them under the rug and pretending they don’t exist.
“Find your people. Connect to the queer community here as much as you can. It helps so much to have people that will make you feel heard and accepted and sane!”
Isabel Michael, She/They
Yep thats me! My coming out journey unfolded in stages. I was raised in a rather conservative Indian-Catholic household. While I always knew I was attracted to men, being on the basketball team in primary school made me question whether I could also be attracted to women. However, without any guidance on the LGBTQ+ spectrum at home and feeling too embarrassed to ask anyone else, I initially only recognised gay and lesbian identities. I put off exploring my feelings until I was 15 and could research more about attraction to both men and women, which led me to understand bisexuality.
At 15, I came out to my secondary school friends, receiving mixed reactions: some showed underlying disgust, viewing my sexuality as “an act against God”, while others quietly supported me, advising caution due to existing bullying. Navigating disclosure carefully, I eventually came out to my family, who were initially shocked but eventually accepted my sexual identity. Later, I also came out as gender-fluid. Now, as an adult, I embrace my identity unapologetically, though I still have to remind others of my sexual orientation to combat bi-erasure, especially given my heterosexual marriage.
My experiences with discrimination, largely tied to religion, have been significant. Despite initial understanding from church peers, I later faced unexpected judgment and discomfort, sometimes fuelled by misinterpretations of Bible teachings. This led me to step back from organised religion, focusing on individual spirituality. I now attend church occasionally out of respect for my husband, who has become my strongest ally and safe space.
While I remain an advocate for gender and LGBTQ+ rights in Singapore, I recognise it will be an uphill battle to achieve the change we deserve. Truth be told, I’m not confident we as a society will make progress anytime soon. Planning to migrate for a better future for myself and my children, I often encourage my queer friends to forge their own paths. We cannot wait indefinitely for societal change. I aspire for a world where my loved ones can freely love, marry, and start families with whomever they choose, with full legal recognition.
“At the end of the day, an affair of the heart is one that can’t be forced and you should fully be allowed to love who you want to love. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise because at the end of the day, it’s your happiness on the line – and let’s face it, God has better things to do than to send us queers to hell.”
Top Image: Deposit Photos. All other images courtesy of the respective interviewees.
