Breaking Sexual Taboos: Women Empowering Women To Sexual Wellness
PUBLISHED October 18th, 2023 06:00 am | UPDATED July 22nd, 2024 02:28 pm
Once considered a hush-hush topic only to be discussed behind closed doors, conversations about sexuality are starting to find their place within society. Perhaps propelled by the success of Netflix shows like ‘Sex Education’, and sex-positive content creators like @shyandcurious_com, @dr_cuterus, and @sallystoy.vera on Instagram, we are opening up to the concept of women’s sexual wellness. However, when discussing sex, “it’s still often taboo, especially for women’s views on sex to be heard,” according to Sex Therapist and Founder of Nambani, Dian Handayani.
In Asia, sexuality has always been framed as a means of procreation, and its purity culture, regardless of religion, is accepted as necessary to uphold family honour. Sadly, in other circumstances, sexuality may even be exerted as a form of power.
“Having these discussions is an act of rebellion against thousands of years of shushing our sexuality, and this is how we break down the walls of silence and shame and reclaim our power from the systematic oppression and violation of our sexuality.”
– Yuni, Women’s Vitality Coach and Somatic Practitioner.
Despite the stigmas and taboos, women who have walked the path are showing up as doctors, coaches, and therapists to empower other women to their sexual wellness. We speak with three women who take on the task of education and support to rewrite the narratives for women’s sexual wellness.
Common Stigma and Taboos
Misconceptions and Misbeliefs
When asked about the common stigmas and taboos, Dr Jessherin Sidhu, Medical Director of Insync Medical, spoke of misconceptions that point to the lack of understanding of women’s sexuality. For example, women are thought to have lower sex drive than men, so “If a woman displays a sex drive that is higher than her male partner, then she is seen as the one with sexual dysfunction. This is a very inaccurate representation of how we view and understand sex drive between and within the genders.”
She added that “women feel they need to have a spontaneous sexual desire to be deemed as someone with an intact sex drive,” when actually women build up arousal from a place of sexual neutrality. Even women themselves carry inaccurate beliefs like “Sexual activity is meant to go on a decline after menopause” and “many women still find vibrating devices inappropriate to use together with a male partner as they feel it may emasculate their partners.” She encourages anyone with sexual dysfunction – difficulty with arousal or desire or a lack of orgasm or sexual pain – to reach out, as these concerns should not be left unaddressed because of embarrassment.
Shame
Indeed, shame and embarrassment are what Yuni has seen in her practice. “One of the most prevalent taboos is the shame surrounding self-pleasure – which I have personally experienced and spent many years dismantling. Self-pleasure is an essential form of body literacy and intimacy with yourself.” She encourages women to learn about their infradian rhythm and literally take pleasure into their own hands. With the “transformative power of self-pleasure—women become more in tune with their desires, more confident in their relationships, and more attuned to their own needs and boundaries.”
Culture and Lack of Education
Dian observes, “Women’s pleasure is the taboo that impacts most often.” She sees “women endure pain and discomfort because they feel pressure for their partner or husband to be satisfied.” And there are those on the other spectrum who focus too much on orgasm that sex becomes a chore, sacrificing pleasure. It doesn’t help that cultural taboos and the lack of sex education stop women from talking about sex for fear of being labelled indecent or rude. She encourages reading from reliable sources or attending pleasure empowerment workshops, though “nothing beats the power of having a safe and accepting community where we can continue to learn and grow in a supportive environment.” Besides addressing sexual crises, qualified sex therapists and coaches can offer personalised sex education, guidance and resources in one or two therapy sessions.
Empowering Women to Sexual Wellness
Embrace All Aspects of Sex
Dr Jess was compelled to practise Sexual Medicine when she realised that the sexual health services are oversimplified, disregarding “many aspects of sexual health such as dysfunctions, sexual arousal, sexual desire, orgasm and sexual pain in both cis and transgender people.” As Medical Director, she works with clients to “embrace their perspectives of sex in a positive, inclusive, and mindful manner.” She advocates sex positivity, self-pleasure and normalising conversations and has recently co-led a discussion, in partnership with LELO, the luxury pleasure brand, speaking on ‘Pleasure Mapping through Self-Exploration‘. In the discussion, she shared how understanding sexual preferences can enhance intimacy and how to incorporate sex toys like their latest ENIGMA Wave™. Powered by advanced technology, the triple-action sonic massager delivers a powerful sonic wave stimulation on the clitoris, together with an insertable tail that vibrates and moves on a patented WaveMotion™ technology. In fact, with LELO’s versatile product range, Dr. Jess utilises them in various stages of her practice based on her patients’ needs.
For more information, connect with Dr Jess here.
Reconnect and Nurture the Self
As a Women’s Vitality Coach and Somatic Practitioner, Yuni supports women in breaking free from fear and shame while nourishing their self-relationship. She serves the innate intelligence of the body and coaches women one-on-one to help them holistically recalibrate and reconnect with their bodies. From January 2024 onwards, she will offer a group-based online experiential workshop called Sunday Service that will run the first Sunday of every month. It is a guided hands-on vulva and vagina mapping session for women, moving through the anatomy of the vulva, vagina, and pelvic bowl. To her, “the antidote is coming home to yourself, placing your fingers into the depths of your pelvis and feeling.” She advocates going slow, moving through the complete arousal cycle, which can take 25-45 minutes. “Retire your vibrators for good, or at least take a sabbatical from them.” They mirror our society’s need for efficiency, while women need nurturing self-touch to feel and develop self-intimacy fully. But if you are not ready to use your hands, she recommends starting with a glass dildo. Use code “TIANONEARTH” for 10% off.
For more information, connect with Yuni here.
Safe Space in Therapy
Dian works to provide a safe and non-judgmental space. She helps them unpack their most intimate thoughts and feelings, taking them from shame to empowerment. Although she worked in mental health for more than ten years, it was a calling that led her to start her a sex therapy practice, Nambani, which means healing in Javanese. Today, she openly challenges women’s sexuality myths in panel discussions like a recent one with PrimeTime Singapore. In therapy sessions, Dian uses expressive techniques such as art therapy or somatic experiencing to support clients around shame and taboos. Outside therapy, depending on her client’s needs, she may suggest getting playful with sex toys from Genvie or attending workshops by Hedonist to learn about female orgasms, kink and more. As a clinical supervisor and an educator, Dian also imparts her knowledge to students and supervisee. “This creates a ripple effect where they can transfer knowledge to their clients and the communities they serve.” In turn, this creates an accepting and supportive community where everyone can learn and grow.
For more information, connect with Dian here.
Read our previous interview with Meryl Lim, co-founder of Genvie, and Jacqueline Kee, co-founder of Hedonist, here.
Top Image Courtesy of Deposit Photos
