Shedding Sexual Shame: The Origin, A Sex Toy Boutique Where Women Can Shop Comfortably in Singapore

PUBLISHED February 8th, 2022 06:00 am | UPDATED February 14th, 2022 08:04 pm

The first time I went to a sex toy store with my partner, we dithered outside for a good ten minutes before screwing up the courage to step in. Yes, it was one of those sketchy shops in Orchard’s quieter malls, complete with neon pink signboard and windows plastered with lurid posters.

But once inside, things took a turn for the better. The staff proved patient and professional, offering expert advice on everything from budget to material. Where online shopping might have left us adrift in a sea of options, we were able to narrow down our perfect toy in less than 15 minutes. As we left, we thought: how much better if everyone felt comfortable enough to stroll in and get some sex toy savvy from the start?

Enter The Origin, a pop-up boutique on Dempsey Hill that’s smashing sex toy taboos. Launched by women-centric sexual wellness brands Good Vibes and Hedonist, this pop-up in Siri House showcases the brands’ sex toy ranges and offers personal guidance from Pleasure Consultants on hand. But it goes beyond that. The chic boutique is carefully designed to seduce all your senses, from bespoke scents tailored to the time of day to a Self-Love Prism artwork that inspires self-acceptance. Forget sneaking in sheepishly – this sex toy store is one you can stroll into confidently to ask questions.

Let’s Talk About Sex

“Too many women just check out from sex because they don’t know how to ask for what they want,” shares Meryl Lim, co-founder of online sex toy brand Good Vibes. One of the most common struggles for Singapore women that she sees is being too embarrassed to express – or even understand – their desires. “Rather than suffering in silence, women need to stop being self-critical and explore their own bodies to find out what turns them on.”

Good Vibes took fire from this driving spark – the need to normalize talking about pleasure and desire in Singapore. “Early on in the COVID-19 period, I met some close (male) friends for drinks, and we were brainstorming Instagram names for my travel account,” she recalls. “One friend suggested ‘Good Vibes Only’ and I joked it sounded like a sex toy company. That’s how we started talking about sex that night – for the first time ever.”

“The more we spoke about sex, the more I realised how seldom we did so, and how reliant I was on Google to answer my sex questions. That got me questioning why we tend to avoid this topic as a whole. So many of us are or will be having sex in life – so why aren’t we taught about how to have better sex? That night was where everything started.”

For Jacqueline Kee – the woman behind Good Vibes’ sister brand, Hedonist – launching her online sex toy business was her way of helping other women find their voice. “Growing up, I was made to feel like my sexual needs were ‘too much’,” she shares. “I didn’t really have someone to give me a healthy understanding of pleasure.”

As the name suggests, Hedonist is about celebrating pleasure unapologetically – particularly women’s pleasure, which so often plays second fiddle to men’s. “I want to destigmatize conversations on pleasure by helping women find their confidence,” she says. “To create a safe space for asking intimate questions – with zero shame or judgement.”

Shedding The Shame

In still-conservative Singapore, sex remains tangled in taboos – shrouded in silence by parents, preached against in school sex ed programs, and steeped in inherited shame for younger generations. Last year, an Institute of Policy Studies survey of 2,000 Singaporeans and PRs found that an incredible 67.3% believed casual sex was ‘never or seldom justifiable’. Just last month, actress Jacelyn Tay made headlines when she shared her advice to her young son on ‘wrong pleasure’, including pearls of wisdom like “A pure soul should not be aroused”.

For both Meryl and Jacqueline, the journey from shame towards sexual wellness was fraught with challenges too. Sex, Meryl says, was never discussed in her family. “I still remember the only time my mother spoke about sex,” she laughs. “I was 18 and heading to Germany on student exchange, and her farewell hug came with a whisper in my ear to not ‘hanky-panky’ there.”

Consequently, she seldom brought up sex even with friends. “I was never sure if I would make my friends feel uncomfortable, so I just confided any questions I had in Google instead,” she explains. Until, of course, that one fateful conversation that sparked Good Vibes. “Since then, I’ve started sharing about sexual wellness with my close friends. Far from our friendships being threatened, we’ve gotten much closer and feel way more connected on a different level.”

Jacqueline, meanwhile, grappled with internalized stigmas about proper behaviour for women well into her late 20s. In fact, it was only when she took the plunge to launch Hedonist that she truly shed her guilt around sex. “My biggest hang-up initially was coming out to my mom – who’s pretty religious – about what I was doing with Hedonist,” she confesses.

“I was so worried about her reaction that I’d prepared a whole speech. But surprisingly, she took it very well – she might not fully agree with some of my standpoints, but she understood the cause. Her approval gave me a huge sense of confidence to grow, not only as a business but as a person.”

Toying With Pleasure

If sex remains stigmatized in Singapore, sex toys too remain boxed in by misconceptions. The adult toy scene has come a long way from its seedy associations, with dildos and vibrators making a buzz in household retailers like Guardian and Watsons today. But there’s no doubt that more can be done to spread the good vibes. A Women’s Weekly survey in 2019 found that just 15.6% of respondents have tried using sex toys in the bedroom – despite only 20% feeling satisfied with their sex lives.

One reason might be that achieving pleasure with sex toys calls for plenty of experimentation – a tough call when so many women are shy or ashamed to experiment at all. Jacqueline recalls how her first vibrator in her early 20s “didn’t do much” for her. “I wondered if there was something wrong with me, or if toys are just overhyped,” she candidly shares. “But in reality, many of us have to experiment till we find what feels awesome for us. Some of us have more sensitive clits; others need toys that are more flexible. It’s not a one-size-fits-all.”

Meryl’s first experience with sex toys – a couple’s toy purchased by her boyfriend in the US – was similarly anticlimactic. “At first it didn’t do much at all, because we were both new to toys and didn’t know how to position the vibrating part of the cock ring to stimulate the clit,” she explains. But after trial-and-error, they finally got the magic flowing – to the point that they named their toy ‘Johnny’ and dubbed it their best friend.

Another hurdle to overcome, of course, is the fear factor of stepping into a sex toy store. As Jacqueline puts it: “Finding the toy I wanted with my husband (then-boyfriend) meant walking into a shop with graphic images and phallic objects greeting us.” Even for someone as open-minded as herself, it was intimidating – though the fruits of her shopping trip ultimately proved satisfying. “It was then that I had an ‘aha moment’: why not make sex shops more inviting?”

The Origin – A Passage of Pleasure

That’s where The Origin comes in. Dubbed a ‘passage of pleasure’, their pop-up boutique in Siri House’s Art Space is a feminine haven of frosted glass, floral scents, and playful homages to the vulva. From now till end-March, you can comfortably browse a selection of sex toys from both Good Vibes and Hedonist, complete with expert guidance from Pleasure Consultants on an appointment basis.

Ideal for entry-level fun, Good Vibes keeps its range minimal with just three zen-themed toys: The Koi (S$79), The Bamboo (S$69), and The Pebble (S$49). Corresponding to a clit sucker, a dildo, and a vibrator respectively, each piece is a beauty of clean lines and soothing pastels. “We understand that in Asia, most of us still live with our family, so discreetness is key,” Meryl says. “Our toys are so elegantly designed that they might not even look like toys at all.”

Why just three toys? “When I was shopping for my first sex toy in Japan’s famous seven-level sex shop, I was overwhelmed with choices and totally lost,” she explains. To help beginners like herself feel at ease, she decided to curate just three simple yet highly versatile toys, personally testing each herself.

Meanwhile, Hedonist offers a wider range of pleasure products for both men and women to spice things up. Think bondage gear, lingerie, kegel balls, and anal toys – all tastefully designed and discreetly packaged.

Fun and Judgment-Free

While both Good Vibes and Hedonist have run their businesses online from day one, The Origin represents a step forward in their push to dispel sexual stigmas. “We’re taking away the taboo idea of walking into a seedy sex shop, and replacing it with one that’s fun, judgment-free, and approachable,” they say.

There’s no denying the perks of physical shopping – being able to get recommendations tailored to your body and needs, for one. Another advantage is getting a feel of the toys before you buy, from size to texture and vibrating strength. Meryl and Jacqueline offer a handy tip for vibrator shopping: “If you’re at a physical store, you can test a vibrator’s intensity by placing it at the tip of your nose. This ‘nose test’ gives you a sense of how the vibrator’s power will translate elsewhere.”

Beyond shopping, The Origin is opening up conversations on sexual wellness with a series of Women Empowerment Workshops (S$15++). Running every Wednesday, these women-only workshops take on a range of topics, from Pleasure 101 to a session on blowjobs and handjobs. One intriguing workshop upcoming on 23 February offers an Intro to Kinks, where you can pepper experts from Kinky Minky Club with all your questions about BDSM and safe play. After all, as Meryl’s and Jacqueline’s journeys prove, it’s never too late to get in touch with your sexuality.

The Origin – A Passage of Pleasure runs from 15 January to 31 March 2022 at the Art Space at Siri House, 8D Dempsey Rd, #01-02 Dempsey Hill, Singapore 249672. Book workshops and appointments with Pleasure Consultants online here. 

All photos courtesy of Good Vibes and Hedonist