Date or Ditch: The Red & Green Flags to Spot on A First Date
PUBLISHED February 12th, 2024 06:00 pm | UPDATED February 19th, 2024 06:15 pm
Just like how eyes are the window to the soul, a first date is a window to the rest of your potential relationship. However in this day and age, dating can be a tricky game and sometimes it’s nice to get a little help to navigate the good and bad of a first date. To save yourself from potential heartbreak, especially in line with the Valentine’s Day theme, here are some red and green flags you may or may not know to look out for on a first date:
Red Flags
Lack Of Boundaries
Let’s face it, on a first date, not everyone is willing to wear their hearts on their sleeves – after all, you’re taking a gamble on a complete stranger and heaven knows if you end up matching with a potential bad egg. However, the first and easiest red flag to spot is whether your date is willing to respect any form of boundaries you put up. If they can’t respect simple boundaries or simply the word “no,” then trust us, you’re better off staying solo. Lack of boundaries usually indicate that overtime your potential beau could be more pushy and aggressive as time goes by till you bend to their will.
Speaking Ill Of Their Exes
Relationship histories may or may not be on your list of conversation starters – that’s really up to personal preference. If it is, there’s no harm in asking surface-level questions like “How long was your last relationship?” or “How did it end?“. However, if your date starts bad-mouthing their last partner by indicating how everything was the other party’s fault and that they did nothing wrong, trust us, they did something wrong. It’s easy to defend a partner’s reputation in front of them – but the real test is what they say behind a partner’s or even ex-partner’s back. Speaking ill of them might show what they will say about you if you’re heading into splitsville. On the other hand, speaking too highly of their exes isn’t necessarily a great sign as it could indicate lingering feelings, and you might just end up feeling like there’s three of you in the relationship.
Constantly Giving Forewarnings
Oftentimes our own insecurities might make us feel like we’re too much for some people and maybe you feel the need to communicate that to your partner – no judgments. However, forewarning someone of their own red flags is also a good indication that they are a walking red flag. For example, statements like “Just a warning, I can be clingy” or “I’m a very bad texter“, they’re essentially giving you the warning right now so if you decide to take it lightly and pursue the relationship, they feel like they can absolve themselves of all fault if things go south because technically they did warn you. Of course, if certain forewarnings are not necessarily crazy red flags, then thread at your own risk – otherwise, take the warnings as it is and run!
Mama’s Boy
We’re often taught to be filial to our parents – especially in Asian cultures. However, there’s a stark difference between being respectful and loving to your parents versus being overly attached to them. At some point, knowing the basics about your date’s family will come up in the conversation. While it may not go deep enough, there are still subtle cues to figure out if your date is a huge mama’s boy – not the “I love and respect my mother” kind of man, but more of the “my mother can do no wrong in my eyes” kind. Some common signs include him saying he spends almost every free moment he has with his mother or talking too much and too fondly about his mother – yes, you’ll be able to tell when it starts to get creepy. At the end of the day, this is the type of man who would hands down choose his mother over you, regardless if you did no wrong – so spare yourself the heartbreak and send him back to his mama.
Being Unnecessarily Touchy
Affections are quite normal even on a first date – maybe a brief hug, a quick peck on the cheek or some harmless hand holding. However, there’s also such a thing as too much affection – also a potential red flag. While affections are normal and healthy at the start of a relationship, more often than not, when it gets uncomfortably overboard, it’ll be hard to maintain over time and at some point, the passion just fizzles out – not to mention it’s usually a sign of overcompensating for something lacking emotionally. Everyone has their own differing levels of affection they are comfortable with. If what your date is doing seems too much for you, trust that instinct – it probably is too much.
Planning Too Far Ahead
Don’t get us wrong, there is nothing wrong with having a small aim in mind as to where you’d want a relationship to go. However, if they’re asking you questions such as “When shall we BTO?” or “How many children do you want?” especially on the first date, it can feel jarringly premature. This kind of rushed timeline often signals that they care more about locking down a partner than actually connecting with you – which honestly could break a relationship down the line. If their vision is racing way ahead of yours, take it as a sign to pump the brakes. Protect your peace and bail before you get pressured into something you’re not comfortable with – the right connection will take time to grow without all that pressure.
Green Flags
Being Punctual 
This might seem like the bare minimum, but truth is, punctuality usually indicates that your date values your time just as much as theirs. While we understand Murphy’s Law is a thing and sometimes they can’t escape that traffic jam along the highway, even simply communicating that they’ll be late speaks volumes rather than you texting and chasing them for an update, only for them to arrive one eternity later. Ultimately, it’s all about respect – so consider giving your date some brownie points if they show up on time or at least give you fair notice if something is delaying them.
Respectful Towards Others
We’ve been taught as children – treat others as you wish to be treated. So when facing those with less power, your date’s actions will reveal their true personality. Will they be kind and compassionate? Or demeaning and nasty? The best indicator of your date’s true personality is how they treat those who cannot stand up for themselves; like a waitstaff. If they are respectful and polite, it shows good character and is definitely a green flag for a second date. The key is whether they choose to lead with compassion or ego when granted even a little power over others.
Genuinely Interested To Know You
A date is meant to be a two-way dialogue, but some people transform it into a monologue focused solely on themselves. You’re there trying to connect, yet your date rambles on about their achievements and interests while barely letting you get a word in. However, a date who reciprocates questions about your own life experiences, maintains eye contact as you speak, and seems genuinely interested when you detail your stories? That indicates someone who’s invested in understanding your world, not just presenting their own. So if that give-and-take balance is there from the start, drink up – this date could be going places!
Open Minded
We all have our own perspectives, but keeping an open mind never hurts. Unfortunately, some people cement themselves into an “My way or the highway” mentality. When clashing opinions arise on a first date, pay attention to how your date responds. Do they get heated and argumentative trying to “win” the debate; or do they listen, ask thoughtful questions, and have a respectful conversation? Even if you disagree on certain things, a partner who can communicate calmly and try seeing other angles is an absolute green flag – it shows curiosity, self-awareness, and progressiveness that will enable your relationship to grow in the long run. After all, the point of dating is learning about each other’s worlds, not proving who is right or wrong.
Being A Little Awkward And Shy
This might be a bit confusing– oftentimes we’re attracted to people who project confidence as it shows how secure they are within themselves. However, the reality is that it’s normal to be a little shy on a first date – after all, you’re letting someone completely new into your life and that could be a little daunting even for the most confident people. If anything, it should be a little worrying if your date comes off as too confident, bordering on cocky. Just remember to be patient with your date and eventually they will warm up to you.
Top Image: Unsplash
