4 Ways to Strengthen & Improve Your Relationship With Your Partner
PUBLISHED October 28th, 2022 10:00 am | UPDATED December 19th, 2022 02:46 pm
From a divorce rate of less than 10% in the 1950s to over 30% in 2015, society’s attitudes towards relationships have changed. Without doubt, the relationship with our significant other is one of the most important relationships we’ll ever have in our lives. And like all important things in life, building a great one takes time and effort.
Spoiler alert: No relationship is perfect. Whether you’ve been together for one month, or for a decade, the occasional petty squabble (and major disagreement) is bound to happen! Here are some tried-and-tested ways to help strengthen your relationship.
1. Quarrel Well
“It is not if you fight, but how you fight that’s important.” Regardless of how compatible the MBTI tells you you and your partner are, quarrels will happen. It is crucial that you spend time to understand the root cause of the issue, and not simply address it at the surface.
For example: Is your partner really upset at you for being late? Or does he/she feel like you don’t respect him/her enough?
What you can do: At the end of every fight, make it a point to ask one another – what did we learn about one another? How can we prevent this issue from happening again?
Take time to co-create a solution that both of you are agreeable to commit to -remember that your first solution may not be the best solution for both parties. Keep in mind that finding out what works best for both of you may take time, but ultimately, you are a team and are working towards the same goal!
2. Practice Honesty Hour
A check-in session where couples can speak frankly and kindly about the state of their relationship, “Honesty Hour” can take place weekly, monthly, or even daily. Encourage yourself to talk about anything that is bothering you about the relationship, the improvements you would like to see, and whatever associated feelings you have.
What sets it apart from other normal conversations is that this allocated space will be completely judgement-free, meant to promote complete honesty between each other. You must mutually agree to not get offended or hold a grudge over what is shared by your partner during the hour. This allows the both of you a chance to speak out and really have your opinions heard.
Big conversations don’t always fit into the busyness of everyday life, so it is good to have a set time where you can intentionally take stock of issues in the relationship so that tension does not build under the surface.
What you can do: Decide with your partner how often you will have honesty hour check-ins. What topics will you discuss during that period?
Putting in effort: Remember that pesto pasta you used to love, but no longer enjoy? We are all works in progress and constantly evolving. As we mature and preferences or life circumstances change, so can values and habits. This is why it is crucial for couples to constantly communicate and remain curious but in sync.
Simply put, building a long-lasting relationship boils down to a couple investing time to deepen their feelings for one another, rather than letting it fade away.
3. Set aside dedicated time to talk, and create new memories together
Apart from surface conversation like the weather and your day to day activities, it is important that couples continue discovering and rediscovering one another as individuals. Co-creating new memories also ensures that you constantly have new topics and interests to talk about and discuss, instead of letting your relationship fall into a state of staleness and boringness – a common precursor to the “Seven Year Itch”.
What you can do: Find a couple card game that helps both of you learn more about one another and spend quality time together. Our top pick? A Year of Us is a 52-week long game that gives couples a set of question and activity to do together every week!
4. Couple Counselling
We know what you’re thinking – “counselling is only for people with problems in their marriage.” Once seen as something that only the bougie, ill, or hippies do, COVID-19 has accelerated the awareness of the importance of mental health and wellness and also made it all the more accessible to everyone.
Gain better understanding of the underlying relationship dynamic through couples therapy, even though there may be nothing seemingly wrong with your relationship on the surface. Having a neutral third party like a counsellor observe your interactions and spot patterns that you are unaware of can be especially helpful for longtime couples who have become set in their ways of interactions with one another.
Gain a sounding board – our experience with a counsellor was like chatting with an old friend. There for us to talk about anything under the sun, and to probe and challenge our thinking, in the same way, having the ears of a licensed professional who has interacted with multiple couples can help shed light on different, or even better ways to engage in your relationship.
What you can do: Never tried couple’s counselling before? Keep an open mind and schedule a session to experience it together.
Remember – every relationship is unique! What works for one couple may not work for you and vice versa. What’s important is the willingness and commitment to find different ways to strengthen your relationship with your partner together.
You are a team with common desires and goals for the future. Whether you are just learning more about one another, or solving a relationship problem, always remember the reasons you chose to be together, and lean on one another’s strengths to create a better future together.
This article is brought to you by shy.sg.
